In his blog today, Michael Hyatt, chair of Thomas Nelson Publishers, shares “What I learned about leadership from a fight with my wife” (http://michaelhyatt.com/what-i-learned-about-leadership-from-a-fight-with-my-wife.html). I love a person who can take the difficult times in life and draw out the positive life lessons from them. Hyatt is very good at that, as I saw again today. And I was not surprised to see his first lesson dealt with expectations. Here it is:
Clarify our expectations up front. Most conflicts are born out of a misalignment of expectations. In this particular argument, I had a set of unexpressed expectations that Gail failed to meet. If we had discussed them before
the day began, we would have likely avoided the problem altogether. But, she didn’t know, because I hadn’t bothered to articulate them.
Yes, Michael got that right. The root of so many conflicts is the simple lack of understanding one another’s expectations. So easy to assume they know what I expect, or I know what they expect. Or that what the other person expects doesn’t matter, anyway. Let’s be honest, we usually don’t even stop to think about what the expectations are. Then, when we are in an argument, with the
tension building and our voices rising decibel by decibel, we don’t stop and say, “Whoa, what do you expect, anyway?” That’s why we have to build that question into our thinking, and ask it before, during and after every activity.
Expectations are not an afterthought. If they are, it’s too little, too late. “What do I/you/we expect is the question we need to ask.” Thanks for sharing your story, Michael, and the lesson we can all learn from it.
© Brian F. Reynolds BFRspace 2011
“What do you expect? The question you need to ask!” is now available in paperback for $20 (Can) from Scarlet Cord Press (www.scarletcordpress.com).
